When I first started contemplating giving my Abby cat some freedom to be outside, I wrote that trying to create a safe space in my yard, by making the fence cat-proof, was like trying to keep a salmon from swimming up stream. After trying and failing to keep her from escaping, I’m the one who feels like a spawning salmon and I am NOT a good swimmer.
Abby, Abby, Abby, what lesson are you trying to teach me? I know it’s about letting go but I am so afraid that you will disappear and/or get hurt if I don’t try and make a safe place for you. What the heck is going on in your little brain????? Hi, I am Abby. I am a cat, a tortie to be exact. Torties are known for their attitude and I have it big time. I know what I want and no one is going to stop me from getting it. What I want right now is to explore the world and everything in it. Oooo, ooo, grass, crunchy and chewy. . .ooo, ooo, something’s moving, a bug, so tasty, but too fast, it flew away. . .ooo, ooo, what’s that? A mean squirrel with an acorn in it’s mouth is peeking down at me from the oak tree. . .must, get, that, squirrel. . .rats, I can’t get up there, there is a fence in the way. . .maybe I can jump up? I want to get past that fence sooooo bad, but just when I find a way out, some new barrier goes up. First it was this white curvy slippery stuff screwed to the top of the fence, then various amounts of bird-netting that I got my claws stuck in, but that actually helped me climb, especially when it was draped over those plastic strips that suddenly showed up attached to the posts. Lately some kind of plastic board magically appeared cutting off my access to the oak tree and now there are clear plastic curtains blocking the rose bush and jasmine vines that I had figured out how to climb and squiggle through. Practically the whole fence is covered in plastic. What’s next??? My person isn’t helping at all. She is nice but waaaaay too controlling. I like the treats and the fishy food she dishes out, and she has a very warm and cozy lap, but every time I find a way past that stupid fence she skitters after me. Luckily I am a lot faster than her. I need to hunt, it’s in my DNA, whatever that is. I’m young and I’m getting stronger and faster and better every day. One of these days I’m going to show those squirrels who’s boss. But for now I just need to figure out a way to get past this stupid fence. Abby is fearless. Me not so much. I HAVE “been there and done that” in my younger days, although I have never had the drive to take on the world that Abby has. I am so much more calculating about experiencing new things and exploring dangerous situations. I have NEVER felt comfortable about risk-taking, but it is an unavoidable part of life. What would happen if I just let Abby wander the way she wants? Would she come back? Probably. But she might also get eaten by a coyote or run over by a car and then I would be riddled with guilt about being a bad cat mom. This is as close to being a mom as I will ever be and I want to do the best job I can. I have an overwhelming desire to keep Abby safe but I want her to grow up strong and experience every part of life. Are my own fears wrapped up in this? Of course! Why don’t I feel as guilty about NOT letting her go out in the world? That is surely stifling her growth. Augh! This is something I can’t just figure out by letting it rattle around in my brain. Like Don Quixote battling windmills, I am fighting a battle with myself. Maybe I’m the one who is over-thinking!
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Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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