I painted my house blue. I wanted it to make a statement, which it does. I’m just not sure what it’s saying. It’s not exactly what I expected even though I spent a lot of time trying to find the “perfect color.” I didn’t realize there is no such thing. Nothing is perfect. I wanted to express the feelings I have had since my twin sister died. Maybe subconsciously it was about sadness and loss but that wasn’t my real motivation. I have felt an incredible surge in my desire to embrace life. I feel Lin’s spirit is challenging me to enjoy it while I can. Losing her has brought me face to face with my mortality, but in doing so I have found an unexplainable joy in trying new things and a willingness to take risks I would have avoided in the past. I feel this way about creative things in particular and I threw myself into looking for that elusive perfect color as if I was Sherlock Holmes solving a mystery. My house has always been an expression of who I am and I wanted it to reflect the “new me.” The color is definitely different. I hope it’s not different in the way that Mom meant when she used to say “That’s different” about something she didn’t really like. So what exactly is my blue house saying? Let’s see! Thinking of my house as something alive with a voice made me realize I am having a hard time loving it. I agonized over picking this color and I was hoping I would love it from the first moment it was on the house, but I didn’t. I had looked at it a thousand times in little paint chips and then in patches of color that I painted on every side of the house. I thought I knew it, but it turned out to be a big surprise. Color is like that. It morphs depending on the light. I am getting to know it better as I live with it. I do like it and I think, like other things in life, I can grow to love it. It says how I feel and that I am embracing life. It’s different - in a good way.
3 Comments
I am on an adventure, exploring the possibilities of what color to paint my house. Most people would not consider this an adventure, but for me it has many of the same elements. There is excitement in wondering how it will look, risk-taking fear that I will make a mistake, an adrenaline surge in checking out the color chips at the paint store, and the fun of exploring something new. When it comes to having an adventure, this is as close to bungee jumping as I am willing to get. Choosing a house color is a big challenge. I was well aware that it is a dangerous undertaking as I drove around town looking at other houses for inspiration. Many people go for a safe gray or beige, but I am looking for the ones where someone took a bungee jump style leap of faith into color. Around the corner in the next block are several houses in a row that make my heart pump. They are little cottages with sparks of unique colors. My block is much more traditional. I would love to be a little more adventuresome with my own home, but I am trying to find a balance between wild experimentation and being safely conservative in my color choice. I don’t want my neighbors to feel I have lowered their home values by making a really bad decision. These houses meld with their neighbors while making a statement. I would like mine to do the same. I settled on blue with white trim. It’s kind of a Scandinavian color scheme, although you would rarely see a blue house in Sweden. They are almost all red with white trim, with an occasional rebel house painted yellow. However, if you take a trip to IKEA you will find blue and white in abundance on things that go inside of a house. I am going for a rich dark blue, a color that makes a statement but does it in an elegant, stately way.
Although blue has a connection to sadness that is not how I see it. To me it feels comfortable and calming like a sunny blue sky with puffy white clouds or the deep blue that happens just before the stars come out at night. It’s a color I can trust. True blue. I am beginning to see that this is really an adventure of the heart. It’s another opportunity to let go of that unwarranted fear that something bad will happen if I take a chance on something new in my life, an opportunity for me to actually BE one of those people who take a leap of faith into color when they paint their house. God help me I hope I still feel this way when I see the final results on the outside of my house. I don’t want to pull up into my driveway and wonder “What the heck was I thinking?” I would like it to be a trustworthy true blue but not TOO blue. I am hoping that the color of my house will welcome me with open arms and the promise of a safe refuge from the challenges that life throws my way. I took a trip to my home town. I wish that I could do it in real life but that isn’t possible right now, so instead of getting on a plane I went to google maps and “drove” around my old neighborhood. It is so weird that you can virtually move along the streets. I know them well. I followed the route my sister and I used to walk to Longfellow school where we went in second and third grades while a new school was being built. On the way to school we used to walk past a rocky outcrop that looked so imposing as a kid. It looks smaller now, and everything is covered with trees and bushes. You can hardly see the rocks anymore. It seems like there has been a tree explosion in my old neighborhood. Our old house is surrounded by trees too. It’s amazing how much things can grow over time. Ely Elementary School where we went to kindergarten and 1st grade, Longfellow School 2nd and 3rd grade, and Laura MacArthur 4th - 6th grade, built after Ely was torn down. On the left of Ely was the original Denfeld High School which became West Junior High after the new Denfeld was built in 1926. Growth and destruction lived side by side everywhere I went on my virtual trip home. This was really true when I went past the plot of land that had once held three of my old schools. Next to the Junior High school there was a little library where we used to go with Dad to stock up on “BobbseyTwins” books. Our old church, Elim Lutheran, was on the same block too. It’s all gone. The Elementary school where we went to kindergarten and first grade, and back again for fourth through sixth, has been torn down twice in my lifetime. During the most recent transformation the Junior High and little library went too. The church burned down when I was still in Junior high. I remember watching it burn looking through the windows of the school. That multi-block chunk of land was the scene of some of the most memorable times of my childhood and now it’s a grassy field and tennis courts. Across the street is a beautiful new Elementary school. The new Laura MacArthur Elementary School viewed through a window in the old school before it was demolished. This theme of the old being replaced by the new, of simultaneous growth and destruction, is playing itself out in all areas of my life. It is especially true in the loss of family and friends. I didn’t expect the pain of loss to bring new people and opportunities into my life. Somehow the sadness is being balanced by the joy of finding a new focus and purpose. I felt it when my great grand niece was born just a few weeks after Lin died and I am finding it now in a new sense of creative energy inspired by the grief groups I have been going to. It blows my mind that this overwhelming sense of loss I feel is also opening my heart to change and even joy. Just like the changes in my home town, I miss the old and familiar and the memories they hold of the loved ones I have lost, but I appreciate the beauty of the new. I am beginning to feel at home with both. A Walk Down Memory Lane Photo GalleryFor more interior shots of Laura MacArthur School check out “Final Trip Through Laura MacArthur School” on Paul Lundgren’s blog Perfect Duluth Day for June 9,2011 at perfectduluthday.com Photos from inside Laura MacArthur School: The library, a classroom cloakroom where all the wet winter outerware and boots were stored during the day, the lunch room, and the auditorium. The last two photos are the West Duluth Library next to West Junior High and Elim Lutheran Church that burned down in 1961. Both were located in the same block as the schools.
|
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
* * *
The Book Naked Little Old Lady with Cats A collection of Little Old Lady with Cats blogs * * *
WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
All
Archive
June 2024
|