It is 6:00am. I am in bed. This is a time and place I like to do some writing but my new cat Abby is chewing on the corner of my ipad. That is actually a good thing. As much as I would like to just lay here and do what I want to do when I want to do it, she is reminding me that I am not alone, I have responsibilities, and she needs me. The irony in this is that my cat actually helps me to not be a “Little Old Lady with cats.” I’m not the kind of cat lady you see in cartoons, the stereotypical image of an elderly female cat hoarder isolated from the real world. Deep in my soul, however, I really am a “Little Old Lady with cats,” in a good way. Cats have shaped and influenced my perception of myself. They have taught me how to be a good caregiver, to live life in the moment, and to accept death as an important part of life. Cats are really good teachers. They are difficult to train, so they train YOU and they are masters at it. They know the value of rewards and they pile them on: looking adorable while sleeping, rubbing in a coquettish way on your legs and staring up at you with sparkly eyes, doing entertaining things like poking their head around the shower curtain when you are in the bathtub, curling up in your lap and sending warmth into your body and soul. How can you NOT give them what they want. And they do know what they want. Unlike dogs, cats are completely self-absorbed and don’t care a hoot about pleasing you. Unlike humans, like me, they don’t worry about what anyone thinks of them or what they “should” be doing. They are just cats being cats. That’s the most important thing I have learned is to accept myself for who I am and not worry about what I think I “should” be. I have learned to try to live cat-like in the moment and enjoy a nice nap in the sun. I have also learned a lot about loss after having had nine cats (one or two at a time) throughout my life. My most recent cat loss was Kitty who died this year. It brought up the emptiness of the death of my sister and all the other losses I have endured. It didn’t feel very good but it was a reminder that death is a part of life and acceptance is a part of being human. Life isn’t perfect, I’m not perfect, cats aren’t perfect. We are who we are and I am grateful to be a little old lady with cats.
0 Comments
![]() I am at war. I watch the news and my heart breaks when I see the destruction and pain of this war. I am at war in my head too, thinking about the future and wondering where this real war is going, seeing how the repercussions are spreading far beyond one country. It makes me sad and afraid. I have lost my trust in humanity. I want peace. I want peace for the people in this war torn country and for all the people in the world who suffer under terrifying times. I want peace in my mind. I want to escape from worrying about the future. I remember the duck and cover drills we did when I was in elementary school and I want to duck and cover. I have been known to nap in my recliner with a blanket pulled over my head. That’s what I want to do right now, but I know hiding from my fears will only postpone them. I know that the only peace I will find is by living in the moment and not letting myself worry about the future or relive the fears and pain of the past, but that is hard to do. So even though I know it’s a temporary fix, I tried to find it this afternoon napping in my car. My car is my zone of silence, my cocoon. Mario, my now deceased cat, used to nap with me. We both enjoyed the feeling of the sun pouring in through the windows. Today when I tried to move my car into a sunny spot for a nap it wouldn’t start. The battery was dead. It was a little bit of a last straw for my psyche, but a minor inconvenience compared to what other people are going through. I called AAA. Once the battery was up and running I had to drive around for a while to recharge it. So much for taking a nap. I headed out to West Cliff Drive, a winding road along the ocean. I did manage to find a bit of peace by soaking in the beauty of my ordinary world. I let my mind get distracted by people-watching, with one eye on the road. There were lots of people on the move, walking, running, on bicycles and skateboards, some with dogs in tow. There were young folks in shorts, old folks wrestling with their broad brimmed hats as the wind tried to grab them, and a little kid with a plastic Mohawk sticking out of his bike helmet. The sky was a hazy blue and the water was rough with white caps. Some early challengers for the Wednesday sailboat races were checking out the race conditions, there was definitely plenty of wind. My mind wandered into the past. This used to be a favorite drive of my Mom and Dad’s. I remember sitting in the back seat while Dad drove. We always stopped at the overlook at the Natural Bridges parking lot on the cliff overlooking the beach, where we could watch the people below playing in the waves and exploring the tide pools. My sister Linda loved this drive too. We spent many afternoons taking in the spectacular scenery, sometimes stopping to watch the surfers on the way. She was with me in spirit today even though we can’t be together in reality anymore. When I got back home my new cat Abby greeted me with big eyes and an adorable head tilt to let me know she needed attention. The drive reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for - a beautiful day, some special memories, and a sweet kitty. I never want to take these things for granted, especially knowing how quickly they can disappear in the way they have for people on the other side of the world. I gave Abby lots of lap time tonight. I was lucky the car battery died. I ended up recharging my own personal batteries. |
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
* * *
The Book Naked Little Old Lady with Cats A collection of Little Old Lady with Cats blogs * * *
WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
All
Archive
June 2024
|