MY LIFE AS A CHARACTER IN A JANE AUSTEN NOVEL
The most recent was a gentleman who referred to himself as Mr. Bond, James Bond. He possessed a unique artistic talent and an entertaining wit and he delighted in discussing religion and politics, something that was alternately appealing and appalling to Miss Mason depending on the intensity of his complaints and the sensitivity of his opinions.
Taking into consideration her mixed feelings about these interactions with her lodger, Miss Mason was keenly aware that happiness lies in being by oneself as well as in enjoying the company of others. Her mind wandered to a beautiful image of a singular stroll down a winding, tree lined country road in Denmark, the home of her ancestors. The lane was quiet except for a hint of a breeze and the sound of scattered raindrops hitting the leafy canopy of the surrounding trees, which created an emptiness where she could immerse herself in meditative silence. It was a place she hoped someday to share with her sister. Miss Mason did not begin her life in singularity. She entered into the world shortly after her twin sister and although they were now separated by a great physical distance they were close in spirit and sensibility. They shared the same complaints of body and mind that accompany increasing age and connected with one another in daily notes exchanged through the most modern means of communication. Although their lives had taken different paths, where her sister had embraced the wonders of being a mother and grandmother, their sisterly connection surpassed any differences in their life experiences and drew them together in mutual support and admiration as they bravely met the challenges of a future that had the possibility of bringing increasing senselessness and disability.
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A few days ago I was telling a friend about my “Cat Lady vs. Cat Woman” blog post and she made a comment that it would be very interesting to imagine all those women gathered together in my living room having a chat. I loved the idea, so I started looking up quotations from each of them and in the process I learned a lot about them. I learned that Tina Turner is very spiritual, that Grandma Moses was quite articulate about what painting meant to her, and that Yoko Ono is very thoughtful and connected to her family. In some ways doing this research blasted my stereotypes of them right out of the water. So with a new understanding buzzing through my brain, here is my version of TEA WITH THE CAT LADIES (AND CAT WOMEN), a conversation based on quotations from Miss Marple, V.I. Warshawski, Dolly Parton, Tina Turner, Miranda Priestly, Sister Aloysius, Angela Merkle, Sara Palin, Cleopatra, Queen Victoria, Grandma Moses, and Yoko Ono: ME: Welcome to my home! It’s an honor to see such an inspiring and famous group of women. Miranda Priestly: Is there some reason that my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something? Cleopatra: Celebrity is never more admired than by the negligent. ME: Oh, sorry Miranda. My bad. I only have tea. Would anyone like a cookie? Miss Marple: As I said to D.I. Slack in “Murder at the Gallop” when he commented that he didn’t know whether to buy me a box of chocolates or kick away my stick; I prefer the chocolates. We're all very ordinary in St. Mary Mead, but ordinary people can sometimes do the most astonishing things. Me: Yes, of course. What do you all feel are some of your greatest accomplishments? Yoko Ono: I did not break up the Beatles. You can't have it both ways. If you're going to blame me for breaking the Beatles up, you should be thankful that I made them into myth rather than a crumbling group. Sister Aloysius: [crying] I have doubts. I have such doubts. Dolly Parton: I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out. Tina Turner: I didn't have anybody, really, no foundation in life, so I had to make my own way. Always, from the start. I had to go out in the world and become strong, to discover my mission in life. Physical strength in a woman - that's what I am. People think my life has been tough, but I think it has been a wonderful journey. The older you get, the more you realize it's not what happens, but how you deal with it. Angela Merkle: I am thankful for all the hard times I've been through and all the tears I've cried because that has put me as closer to God and made me the strong woman I am today! I never underestimated myself. And I never saw anything wrong with ambition. Whoever decides to dedicate their life to politics knows that earning money isn't the top priority. I might bend, but I will NEVER break because it's in my nature as a strong woman. Grandma Moses: Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. If I hadn't started painting, I would have raised chickens. I look back on my life like a good day's work, it was done and I am satisfied with it. I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life -- and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. I'll get an inspiration and start painting; then I'll forget everything, everything except how things used to be and how to paint it so people will know how we used to live. Queen Victoria: I would venture to warn against too great intimacy with artists as it is very seductive and a little dangerous. Dolly Parton: The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life. Yoko Ono: Remember, each one of us has the power to change the world. Just start thinking peace, and the message will spread quicker than you think. Angela Merkle: When it comes to human dignity, we cannot make compromises. The question is not whether we are able to change but whether we are changing fast enough. Sara Palin: But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies. Me: I am curious about how each of you view getting older. Tina Turner: I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not old yet! Grandma Moses: Now that I am ninety-five years old, looking back over the years, I have seen many changes taking place, so many inventions have been made. Things now go faster. In olden times things were not so rushed. Victoria "V.I." Warshawski: When in doubt, hesitate! Miranda Priestly: By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me. Yoko Ono: I think if you give in and accept society's stereotypes, then you start thinking, “I cannot dance till late at night because I'm 70.” Queen Victoria: The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them. Sara Palin: Hey, the more they’re pouring it on, the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there, with a voice, with the message, hopefully running for office in the future too … Bless their hearts, those haters out there. They don’t understand that it invigorates me. It wants me to get out there and defend the innocent. It makes me want to work so hard for justice in this country! Grandma Moses: I don't see why we ever think of what others think of what we do -- no matter who they are. Isn't it enough just to express yourself? I feel there is something unexplored about women that only a woman can explore. V.I. Warshawski: Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman. Me: What advice would you give to women like me who sometimes struggle with their identity? Miss Marple: One must face things as they are. The truth, however awful, can never be as bad as one's imaginings Dolly Parton: Find out who you are and do it on purpose. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile, give'em yours! Yoko Ono: Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see a big difference in your life. Sometimes I am happy and sometimes not. I am, after all, a human being, you know. And I am glad that we are sometimes happy and sometimes not. You get your wisdom working by having different emotions. Healing yourself is connected with healing others. My beauty secret is... nothing! I don't drink too much water. I don't eat very well. Sometimes I cheat and grab some chocolate. The best thing is to eat what you want, but not very much. Dolly Parton: I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. Angela Merkle: Don't get bitter and twisted and nasty by life. You may have been wronged or cheated on; two wrongs never make a right. Instead learn your mistakes and learn your lessons. Remain strong with your head held high. Tina Turner: I believe that if you'll just stand up and go, life will open up for you. My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself. I don't use special creams or treatments - I'll use a little bit of everything. It's a mistake to think you are what you put on yourself. I believe that a lot of how you look is to do with how you feel about yourself and your life. Happiness is the greatest beauty secret. There is a big difference between being a "Cat Lady" and a "Cat Woman" When I grew up the word “lady” had positive connotations. It meant being refined and elegant. It was something to which you aspired. I remember wearing straight skirts (we called them straight skirts, now they are “pencil” skirts). The way to tell if your skirt was too tight was that it should be loose enough to show you were a “lady” and tight enough to tell you were a “woman.” Now the word lady is used in a more negative way, often preceded by the words “Hey” or “Church” in addition to “Cat.” The word “woman” on the other hand is more likely to refer to a person with self-confidence and power. (We no longer accept the term “girls” for anyone over 18) - Think Helen Reddy from the song “I Am Woman”: I am strong (Strong) I am invincible (Invincible) I am WOO-MAN! “Cat Woman” in particular conjures up an image of someone thin and muscular in a skin tight black jump suit and mask who is sexy, strong, smart, calculating, dangerous and maybe even a bit evil. She is the polar opposite of “Cat Lady.” When I chose “Little Old Lady with cats” as the title for my blog I wanted to explore what that image could mean beyond just the stereotype of an elderly single woman. I would NEVER have even considered using “Cat Woman” as my title. The very idea of imagining my lumpy body in a skin tight black jump suit was frightening. Now I wonder how different my blog would be if I HAD chosen that title. Would I have aspired to a more sexy and even dangerous persona? Certainly it would attract a different reader with different expectations. Underneath it all I feel more like a “Cat Lady” than “Cat Woman,” but it’s fun to contemplate the possibilities of changing my image.
In a parking lot not so far, far away, the cars maneuver for position. I guide my craft around the rows, looking for an opening in the mass of vehicles. It is the first day of the year and humanity has descended on this mystical park in the redwoods. I too yearn to commune with nature and stroll among the great trees so similar to the ones that Luke Skywalker dodged in “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.” I see her in her white truck. She is one of the wanderers, like me, looking for an opportunity to capture that rare treasure, a parking space. How long she has been among the thwarted I do not know. Our eyes lock as I pass her but I do not know the evil that lurks in her heart. She has staked out a spot near a potential landing area where a family is loading up their vehicle. I slowly circle around to the other end of the row of cars. The force is with me. A family is heading home and they signal their intent to leave and the location of their SUV. I wait. In front of me a driver is signaling his desire to grab another space and, at the far end of the row, the woman in the white truck waits as well. I am not at peace. My mind is spinning with the thought that I will miss meeting up with the group of pilgrims who have gathered to explore the ancient trees. They are old and wise like me and, I am hoping, slow as well. For I am not the young explorer I was in the past. I fear that I will not be able to keep up with them on this journey through the paths among the trees, but I have set my mind to take on this challenge and only the lack of a parking space is keeping me from this quest. The family has finally gathered themselves into their vehicle. I signal my desire to occupy their space. They still need to warm up their engine but I am confident that I will soon be joining the group of ancient walkers. But wait. Ahead of me I see the woman in the white truck. She has abandoned her quest for the parking space at the other end of the row and is approaching at light speed. She sees that the SUV is backing out and she has come to take the soon-to-be empty space. We meet face to face as the SUV backs out. Does she not see that I am signaling, ready to take possession of the prize I have waited for so patiently? The dark force wells up in my heart. Do I let her cut me off from the space I see as rightfully mine? My inner voice pleads with me not to join the evil forces of rudeness that the woman in the white truck has so obviously embraced, but I don't listen. Before I know it I have cut in front of her and secured the parking space for myself. I hear the dark force laughing in triumph in my solar plexus. My joy in having won the battle is short lived, for the woman in the white truck has come to a halt behind me and is fast approaching. What have I done? I feel like a bad seed. I roll down my window and she is ready with sharp words that stab at my heart like a light saber. She is old, like me, but she is thin and dressed in a well-coordinated walking outfit. I am cowed and embarrassed as she assaults me with accusations of how cut-throat it was of me to take the space. I know I have let my worst side guide my actions and I have no desire to defend myself. I offer to give her the space but she is beyond any reconciliation. The assault is short lived, but her final blow as she storms away is "I hope you enjoy your walk." Of course I won't enjoy my walk. The group of elderly pilgrims has probably already left on their journey anyway, and I feel like a piece of trash from the garbage shute scene in the original Star Wars. Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, I have lost my sense of inner peace and it is only day one of the new year. I pull out of the space which is quickly snagged by other seekers and drive home. I take a short walk by the ocean, a place that is usually calming and centering, but my mind is reeling. I know I could have avoided these feelings of degradation if I had listened to my better side. I am not the kind of person who gets upset about waiting in lines or losing a parking spot to a rude person. I could have just let her take the darn spot. I would have been slightly annoyed and then found another spot. It would have been better than having to endure the ugly tirade from the woman in the white truck. Or would it? Therein lies the conundrum, the ongoing battle between good and evil. Was I standing up for my rights to capture that space, or foolishly letting anger take over my heart? Is it a sign of strength to let myself battle it out with someone for a parking space? Other people I know might have wanted to argue with her or make rude gestures, but what's right for other people isn't necessarily right for me. Inner peace is what is important to me not righteous anger. I don't believe I'm a wimp if I choose not to fight over a stupid parking space even if I might be "in the right." In the future I will attempt to be more Yoda-like. This lesson will I remember and listen I will to my inner voice. The battle between good and evil continues . . .
I love mysteries. I like to read mysteries and I like to watch them on TV. Lately I have been thinking that I would like to write a mystery. After researching mystery writing on the internet, I have an idea for a character, but I have been struggling with developing a good idea for a plot. My main character is Vera Olive Gardner. She is a bit like me in that she is a retired teacher. OK, I admit Vera is a lot like me. Vera is a good problem solver and is adept at divergent thinking. She has the ability to see the whole picture and make connections and she has an unending amount of patience that was honed by years of dealing with junior high students. For the plot, the mystery writing sites recommend that novice writers "write what you know." I know nothing about murder and I don't really want to write about it anyway, so I need to come up with another kind of mystery. I need a plot where the protagonist is asked to answer a question or solve a problem that revolves around subjects I DO know, like teaching, cats, and senior issues. Unfortunately, these subjects are not necessarily gripping or mysterious. It was a stretch, but I finally came up with some "Little Old Lady with cats" style mystery scenarios (and matching book covers) using the not-so-mysterious subjects that Vera and I both know. It was fun to look at some of the ordinary experiences of my life from the perspective of a mystery writer. Who knew my life was so exciting? SCHOOLED IN DECEPTION Vera, a former teacher, is brought in to solve a rash of incidents at the local middle school. Who is stealing food from the faculty room refrigerator? Why are one third of the students missing pencils when asked to produce them for a writing assignment? What new educational theory will the unsuspecting staff be asked to incorporate into their already overloaded curriculum? When a student pulls out a fork and tries to attack another student in the foods class, Vera fears for the safety of the students and the teachers. DEATH OF A OPOSSUM When a mummified opossum is discovered during a remodeling project, Vera remembers that years ago she had been haunted by the smell of death coming from under her house. Mystery solved. THEY SEE AT NIGHT A tale that explores the darker side of cat ownership Vera lets out a blood curdling scream as she opens the front door. There, on the welcome mat, lies a dead gopher's head. Although she tries to seek shelter from the frightening vision by slamming the door and scuttling indoors, Vera is driven mad by the constant discovery of disgusting wet fur balls and the underlying mystery that always haunts a woman who owns more than one cat, "Who threw up?" SENIOR MOMENT MYSTERIES A series similar to Nancy Drew, but geared for older readers: VERA GARDNER AND THE LOST GLASSES Vera awakes to the knowledge that her glasses are missing and she has no way to find them without being able to put on her glasses, thus perpetuating a vicious and frustrating cycle. Little does she know, they are wedged between the mattress and the wall. VERA GARDNER AND THE LOST THOUGHTS Vera is caught up in a tangled web of confusion as she wanders from room to room in her house but is unable to remember why she went into that room in the first place. VERA GARDNER AND LOST PERCEPTION While out doing errands, Vera hesitates at a stop light. The scene looks eerily unfamiliar. For a brief moment she is plunged into a foreign world. Then, as she ponders "Where the heck am I driving?" her brain shifts into gear and she finds she is ready to continue on her journey. Of course I realize my plot lines need a bit more work but I am anxious to send Vera and her husband Arthur (did I mention she was married?) on an adventure. It's still a mystery to me what that adventure will be.
For more about Vera and Arthur, check out the writer's workshop page at the top of my blog. I saw it casually roll past as I stepped out of the side street. A medium sized bright pink beach ball was traveling down the street of the apartment complex where I was visiting my sister. It was all by itself. I was out for my morning stroll. The streets were deserted. The apartment complex is very new. My sister and her husband live in the part that is finished, but just blocks away is a section under construction. The ball was headed for the construction zone I looked to see who had thrown the ball. There were no visible people anywhere. No one threw it, no one rolled it, it was traveling on it's own momentum. I guess the slight incline of the street was keeping it going. There was a light breeze that was a perfect accompaniment for my walk. The breeze seemed to push the ball along as it zigzagged down the street. I had this odd feeling, like I was in a science fiction movie where the end of the world had happened and I was the only person left, just me and the ball. I was a female version of Tom Hanks and his soccer ball "Wilson." The ball had a personality all it's own. It was very cute in it's pinkness and I wanted to take care of it. It brought out my maternal instincts. I followed it into the unfinished side of the apartment complex. Even on the gravely part of the street it kept right on going. The only thing that stopped it was a large pink porta potty. The beach ball wedged its little self between the curb and the porta potty. It was stuck. I felt compelled to "rescue" it. I freed it from behind the porta-potty. It was a little dirty and had gravel stuck to its shiny pink surface. It needed a new home. I carried it back towards my sister's apartment and stopped at the garden in front of the clubhouse. This was a perfect spot. I set it between the puffy pink Hydrangeas. It looked happy. I hoped whoever owned it would find it in this beautiful spot and know that someone had looked after it.
I walked on, anxious to tell my sister about my beach ball adventure and happy in the knowledge that I had done my good deed for the day. |
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
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