![]() My hope is that writing this blog will help me work through issues that keep me from fully embracing life. My FANTASY is that blogging will transform my life. There is quite a difference between hope and fantasy. In my fantasy, writing this blog takes me to new heights of self awareness. Magically I drop weight as my fingers fly over the computer keyboard, despite the fact that this is a very sedentary activity and more likely to make me gain weight. Like Julie in the movie “Julie/Julia” writing my blog leads to a book deal. I already have a title, “I Lost 50 Pounds by Blogging.” I see myself being interviewed on the Today Show, no longer a “Little Old Lady with cats,” but an inspiration to millions. The reality is that I hope. I hope by writing a blog instead of just writing for myself, by myself, it will nudge me into actually putting words on paper rather than thinking about putting words on paper. I hope that writing will make me take an honest look at who I am and what I want my life to be. I hope that I CAN be honest, and write from the heart but I also want to nurture my sense of humor. It’s in there somewhere and I want to use it and let it out. I helps keep me from taking myself and my “issues” too seriously. I see in just letting a friend talk me into doing this that it already is a way of connecting in ways I did not expect. That possibility of connecting may turn out to be the most valuable part of this blogging thing.
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![]() A twinge of panic struck when I read my nephew’s “black tie optional” wedding invitation. The description of appropriate dress was cocktail dress, evening gown, or evening pants and blouse. When the panic subsided I searched online and found the perfect dress (thank you Macy's) a deep purple lace cocktail dress. It accomplished my goal of looking less like my usual “little old lady with cats” fashion persona and more like a perky, attractive senior citizen. The model wearing the dress online was a six foot tall, plus sized woman gaily prancing in strappy nude colored heels. Ooo, oooh, my heart pounded at the look, but the reality is that I can no longer wear shoes that have heels. At the last wedding I went to I picked the wrong shoes and was forced into attending the reception in my tennies. Not a good look. But the idea struck me that a nude colored flat with an ankle strap might work. And so began my search for the perfect wedding shoes that were cute AND comfortable. In order to get a sense of how the shoes would look with my dress I made a page on my iPad where I could virtually try the shoes on before I bought them. I pasted the photo of the model and then cut and pasted mini photos of the shoes that I could slide over her strappy nude heels to see how they would look with the dress. Pleased with my work I proceeded to shop online. SHOE #1: I found a pair of slightly sparkly gold ankle strap flats. The style was perfect except for the pointy toes. I remember wearing pointy toed shoes in high school. They weren’t comfortable then and they aren’t comfortable now. Time and gravity have made my feet wider and as much as I wanted these shoes to be “the ones” the image of dancing at the reception in my tennies loomed. SHOES #2 AND #3: I tried two more pairs of shoes from online sources, a nude wedge Mary Jane shoe with an ankle strap, and the cutest shoes on the planet, a floral printed version of the first shoes but with ROUND TOES. These shoes were also cheap as in inexpensive. Unfortunately they were also cheap as in really poorly made and really uncomfortable. The adorable floral printed shoes were painful even when I was sitting down. Sadly they were returned. SHOES #4 AND #5: So much for shopping online. Obviously I needed to actually, not virtually, try shoes on in order to get the comfort factor right. I headed for local stores that I knew carried comfortable shoes. I bought a pair of black ballet flats with a sparkly beaded pompom on the toes and a pair of really expensive, but really comfortable ballet flats in tannish leather. The tan “comfort shoes” looked horrible with my dress. Instead of the “I’m sexy and I know it” look I was going for they had an “I’m practical and mean business” vibe. As I actually am practical and I do mean business, I returned them. The black flats with the pompoms. although comfortable in the store, rubbed on my big toes after I wore them around the house. I might be able to make it half way through the reception, but by the end of the evening I would be back in my tennies. SHOES #6 AND #7: Desperation was setting in. I headed to the Mall. I tried on a pair of cute mottled gold flats. They were comfy but more than I wanted to spend. I bought two pairs of ballet flats instead. One pair was a light tan with lacy holes punched into the leather and the other was bronze with a crisscross folded detail on the toes. They were both acceptably comfortable. I took photos of myself in both pairs of shoes, wearing the dress, and sent them off to my sister for feedback. I also showed them to a friend for her opinion. My sister and friend disagreed on which pair looked the best. Now my brain was spinning. I felt like I was in a shoe vortex where there was no escape except to settle for the least obnoxious option. SHOES #8: I went back to the internet and found a version of the expensive shoes I had tried on at the Mall. They were on EBay and they were one third the cost of the Mall shoes. At this point I had already spent quadruple the amount I had planned on spending for shoes anyway, so I ordered them. They came yesterday. They are cute. They are comfortable. They are really shiny gold. Maybe too shiny. I now have three shoe choices. They are all comfortable, but none of them fit the image I had of myself gaily prancing like the plus sized model in her strappy heels. Maybe the image I have of myself is not realistic. I am, after all, no longer as young as that model. I am definitely not as tall as that model or as thin as that model even though she is “plus sized.” I am a card carrying Medicare recipient and I am no longer even “middle aged.” Who the hell am I? I can’t even figure out what shoes to wear. |
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
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