Which Way Should I Go?I had to stop driving when I had my first cataract surgery. All those years of just jumping into the car to go shopping and run errands came to a giant halt. I thought it would be temporary and looked at it as good practice for the future, but the future may be closer than I thought. THE RUN IN After not driving for over a month I decided that my vision had improved enough with the surgery on my second eye that it was safe to drive. On my first outing behind the wheel I ran into a little old lady on a bike. This was not an “I ran into” someone social encounter where I saw a person I knew and said “Hi, how are you doing?” It involved physical contact with my car. No one was hurt but it left a prominent scrape on the bottom of my back car door and a gash in my self image as a capable driver. I am still not sure exactly what happened. I had plotted out a short trip to a nearby grocery store that seemed easy and safe. It felt good to be on the road again. One block from my house I spotted a woman on the right side of the road riding a bike pulling a small trailer. We were both headed in the same direction. As I slowly passed by her I heard a crunch and quickly pulled over. I leaped out of my car in a panic, thinking I would find her and her bike on the ground, but she was still sitting upright with no obvious injuries to her or her bike. She assured me she was fine. When I tried to determine how and where we collided, she pointed to her ear and informed me she didn’t have her hearing aides in and couldn’t understand what I was saying. She seemed surprised that I was concerned about her. After checking again for any damage to her or her bike I went back to my car and finished my shopping trip, but I was not the same person that confidently headed out to the store a few minutes earlier. A WAKE UP CALL I could make up a lot of excuses about who actually hit who and question why she was out on the road without her hearing aides, but I know this was a wake up call for me. The idea that I could have caused bodily harm to someone haunts me. What message is the Universe trying to tell me? Is this a sign that I should stop driving altogether? I thought I was driving normally but maybe, as a result of not driving for a while, I have lost some of my ability to estimate the distances around my car and avoid crashing into something. Am I a danger to myself and others if I continue to drive? How many collisions with little old ladies on bikes does it take to call it quits? When and how do I even make such a life changing decision? I called two of my friends and told them about the accident. Neither of them said “Oh Leslie, you’re a great driver, don’t worry about it.” They didn’t say “You need to stop driving, NOW!” either, but they described some issues I have that make me one of those little old ladies you don’t want to get stuck behind when you are trying to get somewhere quickly. This wasn’t just about my vision. There were other signs that my driving skills were declining. Total strangers beep their horns at me when I drive too slowly or hesitate as I am making a turn. WHICH WAY DO I GO? Just the thought of not being able to drive leaves me flummoxed. How do I give up something so ingrained in my sense of self? What would happen to my independence? How would I do this without being a burden on others? I am eternally grateful for the friends who have given me rides, but I just want to be able to go to a store on my own and shop without having someone waiting around for me to get it done. Yes, it’s possible to do that without a car, but I have been car-less for over a month now and it’s not easy. This is not a decision that can be made lightly. It affects my whole way of life. I feel like I am at a fork in the road and I don’t know which way to go. THE DECISION What I finally decided was that I don’t have to make that decision today. I need to take my time and do some research. After seeking advice from friends, my senior discussion group, and my doctor at my yearly Medicare exam I found some things I can do without committing myself one way or the other. I signed up for a Mature Driver Tune-Up online driving class for seniors. The people I know who have taken the class all thought it was a good way to update their driving knowledge, plus you can get a discount on your insurance. I also found a local driving school that has a Senior Assessment program. They evaluate visual, cognitive, and reaction abilities and it includes a behind the wheel check up. Having a professional evaluation will help me decide if I just need a tune-up in my driving skills or if I need to limit my driving more drastically. In the mean time I plan to continue to hone my skills at riding the bus and finding alternative means of transportation. My Dad was a great role model in so many ways. He didn’t fight the changes that happen with aging. When he needed to stop driving he made the decision on his own. I know that he had some incidents that led to his decision, but he only collided with inanimate objects, not little old ladies on bikes. I want be like my Dad, looking honestly at my limits and accepting whatever road I need to take.
1 Comment
5/26/2024 07:34:56 pm
I am reading this very poignant post at just the right time, Leslie. It resonates 100% as I am a new metro rider. So far, I am learning to allow an entire morning to get somewhat and back - no hurrying allowed. But the drivers are super! Thank you for posting your experiences with "change".
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Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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