![]() For non-Scandinavians who are unfamiliar with Aebleskiver (I call it Appleskiver), they are a Danish pancake. Instead of being flat, they are round like a ball. They are served with powdered sugar and syrup or jam. They are fluffy and yummy, My Grandfather was Danish and he showed my Grandmother how to make them. This skill was passed on to my Dad and also to me. You need a special pan with curved sections. It goes on top of the stove. In each section you put a scoop of batter, then chopped fresh apple, then more dough. When one side is cooked you flip them with a knitting needle or skewer and they turn into little balls with apple in the middle. I have an Aebleskiver pan and have made them myself. They are a lot of work. When I discovered that Trader Joes has frozen Aebleskiver that just need to be heated in the oven, I was thrilled. They don’t have the apple inside, but they are still really good. I used to get them and make a special breakfast or brunch for my Dad. In an “I miss Dad” and “I feel sorry for myself” mood I bought some Aebleskiver. On Easter I made a special breakfast for myself, like I used to make for Dad. I put the rest in the freezer thinking I would be able to just use them as an occasional treat. HA! My compulsive eater brain had other ideas. I have already eaten Aebleskiver as an after dinner ”snack” twice this week and there is still some more in the freezer. You might think that eating four crumby Aebleskiver as a snack is not the worst thing in the world to do, but for me it is a disaster in the making. This is the kind of subconscious driven eating that has resulted in a weight that is not healthy for me. There are no vows or swearing offs in this world that will keep me from answering the call of those Aebleskiver sitting temptingly in my freezer. There is no one in the house, except for my cats (and they are no help at all), who will interrupt my quest to obtain them and consume them. I must make the decision now, while I am of sound mind, to get them out of my sight and mind so I can give myself a fighting chance to make a better choice for a snack when the “I miss Dad” and “I feel sorry for myself” feelings pop up again, as they most certainly will. I feel a sadness and a loss about tossing out the Aebleskiver. It’s like throwing my heritage in the garbage. But I know that is just my compulsive eater brain trying desperately to wrestle back control. There are many other things, besides Aebleskiver, that I can embrace about my heritage or that remind me of my Dad. This doesn’t mean that I can never eat another Aebleskiver again in my life either. Just for today I am choosing to honor the part of me that wants to be free of feeling vulnerable to foods that call my name from the freezer. This throwing out food thing can be as much a part of my compulsive relationship with food as actually eating it. I thought about what would make this time any different from all the other times I have thrown out food that I was fearful of overeating or that made me sick? What action could I take this time that I have not taken in the past? I shared my thoughts and feelings with some other compulsive eaters. In the process of sharing I felt those feelings of sadness and loss come welling up out of my stomach, pushed up through my diaphragm, up through my throat, and out of my mouth with my words. I’m sure there are all kinds of psychological explanations of why this worked but I don’t really care about why it worked I’m just happy that it did. Last night the compulsion to eat Aebleskiver was not there and I hadn’t thrown them out yet. They were still in my freezer.
I wish I could say that I am permanently cured of my obsession with food that calls my name from the freezer or at other times and places, but that is not the case. I can hear those siren voices even as I write this blog. However, that powerful experience, of sharing my feelings with others, and of having that obsession removed, if only temporarily, gives me hope.
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Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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