I grew up with westerns. They were everywhere on TV: “Have Gun Will Travel” with Richard Boone, “Bonanza” with Michael Landon, “Wanted Dead or Alive” with Steve McQueen, and “Rawhide” with Clint Eastwood. These guys were manly men of the first order. They were tough and did a lot of squinty-eyed sneering while being emotionally disconnected. I was fascinated with them and couldn’t wait to watch the shows every week. ![]() Women in westerns were a whole different animal. They were either barroom tramps or schoolmarms cowering in the corner waiting to be rescued. They were rarely significant characters, except for Miss Kitty on “Gunsmoke,” and although she had a “heart of gold” she was basically a prostitute wearing way too much makeup. On “Bonanza,” if a woman was unlucky enough to fall in love with Little Joe they were literally doomed to die. I never remember any of his girlfriends surviving long enough to actually marry him. Despite this obvious peril, my friends and I fought over who would get to be Little Joe’s girlfriend when we played cowboys and horses (not cowboys and Indians). This leads me to ask myself what I actually learned from watching all those westerns in my formative years. How much of my internal image was created by these shows and the cultural climate that spawned them? I know that I had the idea that the man should be dominant in a relationship. Believing that the husband should have the final say in a marriage was an accepted concept among my friends. I wanted to marry someone who would be a take charge kind of guy and take care of me. I ended up being the major breadwinner in my marriage, which collapsed as neither my husband nor I lived up to what we thought the other partner should be. In many ways the wake-up call of having to take care of myself as a single woman was probably the best thing that could have happened to me, but it took years for me to feel “O.K.” about who I was and to grieve the loss of that fantasy. My sister is in a support group for people who have recently lost their spouse. It’s interesting to hear her talk about how people are dealing with the loss of a relationship, which for many of them lasted forty years or more. Some of the men in my sister’s group, who are from our generation, depended on their wives so completely that they are having a difficult time taking care of themselves. They don’t have the skills or interest in cooking or doing other household chores. I have known women in the same position who have never written a check or handled their own finances. The fantasy I had in my younger years of finding a manly man who was going to sweep in on a white horse and take care of me was very immature and self-centered and certainly didn’t reflect reality. I know that when it comes to relationships with a significant other, a friend, or family, we all take care of each other in one way or another. I am grateful that I had an opportunity to care for my Dad in his last few years and experience the strong bond of love that came from being able to give back what I had received as a child. ![]() I’m also grateful that I have had the opportunity to take care of myself as an independant woman. I might be a little old lady with cats, but I’m every bit as strong and determined as Clint Eastwood or any of those squinty-eyed gunslingers. I’m glad that the roles of men and women have evolved and that the cultural limits defining what’s “O.K.” have changed too.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
* * *
The Book Naked Little Old Lady with Cats A collection of Little Old Lady with Cats blogs * * *
WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
All
Archive
June 2024
|