February is the month that Lin died. I have been dreading this month for a while. The whole holiday season was colored by my list of firsts: November, first Thanksgiving without Lin; December, first Christmas; January, first birthday; February, first anniversary of her death. Last year, although her loss was devastating, I had a surge of energy, a new feeling of wanting to engage in life. I didn’t have this feeling when my sister Sue or my Mom and Dad died. It was unexpected and a driving force in my life. As the holidays approached this year that energy faded and was replaced by a dull sense of acceptance. This is life without Lin. What now. I don’t want that energized feeling to go away. I want to live my life to the fullest. It is a gift that Lin gave me and I want to treasure it. I think I need to bring it into a conscious part of my brain instead of just expecting it to materialize on it’s own. I wrote in my Christmas cards that this feeling of a new energy and the desire to embrace life wasn’t about “bungee jumping and mountain climbing” it was about finding joy in the little things. I can do that. Spring is just around the corner. In another month I will be getting my garden ready for planting. I can plant some seeds right now in my BRAIN, about remembering to look for joy.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
* * *
The Book Naked Little Old Lady with Cats A collection of Little Old Lady with Cats blogs * * *
WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
All
Archive
June 2024
|