What I Learned About Speed Dating and MyselfI did it! I went to a speed dating/friendship event for seniors who are 70+ sponsored by Grey Bears, a local group that distributes food and does events for seniors in Santa Cruz. For some background about how I prepared for this adventure check out my previous post Speed Dating.
SPEED DATING BY THE NUMBERS Number of attendees: 50+ Number of 5 minute conversations I had: 12 Number of conversations with men: 7 Number of conversations with women: 5 Number of people I would like to meet again 6 (2 women & 4 men) THE SPEED DATING SCENE Entering the giant warehouse felt a little like going to a high school dance. Music was wafting out of the double doors that were decorated with long tinsel curtains. There was a festive feeling as I checked in. A couple of teenagers, undoubtedly the children (or grandchildren?) of the organizers handed me a name tag. I asked if they were going to participate in the speed dating and they laughed embarrassingly at my ridiculous question. I was on a roll, my first laugh of the night, but not my last. The warehouse was completely filled with chairs arranged in rows with one row facing another. In the back were tables loaded with non-alcoholic beverages and snacks. Bags of cookies, ready to distribute as a parting gift were arranged at another table. There were red hearts, and other reminders of the possibility for love, filling in the empty spaces. In the corner was a photo booth which consisted of a largish tent with colorful draping. I didn’t see anyone use it. Other elderly attendees were wandering in and picking up a name tag and a folder to use for recording their dates. They started to gather in small groups around the room. The neat arrangement of chairs was beginning to fall apart at the edges. Attempting to organize a group of adults is a lot like herding cats, they do what they want to do, even if it means dismantling some of the carefully constructed rows of chairs. THE DATES The organizer’s plan to methodically have people move from chair to chair in order to meet with a new partner never quite worked. Early on I decided to just wander around the scattered rows of chairs and find a random partner with an empty chair near them. I ended up having more conversations with men than women, even though there was a much higher number of women at the event. I surprised myself with my mingling skills. Usually I am not good at starting up conversations in crowds of people, but it seemed easy to find a partner. As the whole purpose of the event was to interview each other, everyone bought in to the concept and was focused on meeting new people. A bell signaled the start and end of each conversation, making it simple to utter a “Thanks” and move on to a new prospective date/friend. WHAT I LEARNED Eons ago I put a singles ad in the local paper (this was WAY before computer dating). I remember how I really didn’t have a clue who a person was until we met face-to-face, even though I had communicated with them by letters and phone calls. I learned that first impressions can be deceiving, and I might make a judgement about who someone was by how they looked, only to have a completely different impression after talking to them face-to-face. I was reminded of this phenomenon as I met each new person. Many times during the evening I sat next to someone I thought I wouldn’t have a lot in common with, and then found them to be interesting people with amazing lives after talking to them. I realized I was making snap judgements based on how they looked. I was on the receiving end of this too. At one point I sat next to a man whose body language and tone clearly indicated he thought I was not his type. He talked about how bored he was in retirement. I am not bored with my retired life and told him about the book I had published. When I told him the title was “Naked Little Old Lady with Cats” he laughed out loud and looked at me like a was a whole different person. Humor strikes again! WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT Most conversations started with a query about Santa Cruz, where they lived and how long they have been here. I wasn’t the only one from the Midwest who had found a new home on the west coast. There were also exchanges about lost loved ones and families. I listened for mention of special interests and found two people who, like me, were into genealogy. My favorite conversation was with someone whose creative passion started as a child and turned into a career. We covered a lot of territory, one 5 minute conversation after another. What we didn’t talk about: Dating! Surprise, surprise, no one even mentioned it! It’s not that there wasn’t an underlying current that dating was a possibility. I know it was on my mind, but I appreciated the fact that friendship was there too. It really was an event for seniors to meet new friends. I was inspired by the people who showed up to share a little about themselves with other oldsters and I was proud to be a part of this diverse group. WAITING FOR THE CONNECTION At the end of the two hour event I turned my list of potential dates/friends in to the teenagers at the door. I will have to wait until they tabulate the data to find out if there is anyone I would like to meet again who is interested in meeting me. I will be looking forward to an email from Grey Bears. Wish me luck!
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Leslie Masona woman in search of her post-retirement future Guess what! By subscribing, you get notices about the latest Little Old Lady with Cats posts sent to your mailbox!
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WHAT IS A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH CATS - REALLY?
(from an entry posted on 5/1/2015) “I definitely fit some of the characteristics of a little old lady with cats: Retired - check, Single - check, Like to knit - check, Have cats - check. . .I do not want to get stuck in my Little Old Lady persona, however. In fact, this blog is a risk taking experiment in exploring and redefining what I want my retired life to look like.” Categories
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